I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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