This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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