you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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