did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
