No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
