Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
