I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
