you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
