flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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