I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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