Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She's like a pop up book from hell.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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