then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
