Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I faked an abortion last night.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
