I just pynch a tree in the face
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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