tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
