Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
