I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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