thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
