We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
