So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
