Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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