you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize