I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
