It was confusing and full of hummus
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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