Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
