he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
