Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
