That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
