you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
