Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
