we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
