I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
