he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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