my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
