He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
