And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
