At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
