All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
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Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
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Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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