i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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