Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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