Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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