Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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