So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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