Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
