i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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