Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i came on her dog
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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