We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
