we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
