i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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