i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i think i have two assholes
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
