You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
