I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
