I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
