1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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