Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
