More tranny stories later!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
