They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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