the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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