I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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