I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
