On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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