You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
