This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
