I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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