im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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