Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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