I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
